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What is your Happy?
I sit here with my Sunday morning coffee, divinely guided by my higher self to share with the world how I found my happy. I truly believe this method will work for you too.
Have you ever sat down, got quiet, and thought about who is it that you want to be, what makes you happy, and if you were to imagine yourself five years from now thriving, what habits and behaviors would you be practicing? Have you even considered asking yourself these questions, because I didn't the first 28 years of my life.
It took the pandemic in 2020 for me to start asking myself these questions and here is why.... I like so many thousands of people got laid off. I was forced to slow down, and I have never done that in my life. I remember the day I got laid off like yesterday... I felt ashamed and embarrassed- I was brought into a room with several other employees, coworkers, and familiar faces that day, and told that we were being laid off. I was the only one in that room sobbing, bawling, ugly crying and making creepy crying noises (I find it very hilarious now.. haha and people probably thought why is she making such a big deal about it..). You want to know why it felt so hard for me, and why I made a big deal? Because... I thought my HAPPY and identity was my performance at my job, how my coworkers perceived me, and how everyone else viewed me..
So as devastating and unfortunate the pandemic was for so many families, it caused me to SLOW down, and deal with the trauma and triggers around my identity, and to do some inward learning and discovery about what ACTUALLY makes me happy.
The pandemic helped me recognize I wasn't happy inwardly, and my happiness was dictated outwardly and how everyone perceived me. On the inside- I was a person who felt resentful, but only cared to focus my attention outwardly on everybody else's opinions and views of me.
Deep rooted in my soul was a woman craving balance with her spiritual, mental, physical, and nutritional health. But I was a lost soul who let my studies, social life, and career in my early 20s to late 20s dictate my happiness. So when I lost my job- I thought my whole life came crashing down, and for a split second it did. There were days I didn't get out of bed, and days that I couldn't look in the mirror because I was ashamed. Looking back on it now- I am gentle with that old version of myself, because she didn't know that she was more than her job.... more than her career. I hope somebody reading this can relate, and wake up to this statement... You are not your job. It's a mistake on your inward happiness and growth to let the identity of your job and how you perform your job dictate your happiness. I challenge you to think beyond your job, and consider that as a source of energy rather than who you are.
Does your job drain you, elevate you, or really do neither? If it drains your energy- consider setting some boundaries to avoid that. If it elevates you, make sure you are not letting it elevate you so high you lose sight of other hobbies, habits, and behaviors that need elevation too. Too much elevation will take from another faucet of your life- and in the long run leave you feeling drained/burnt out even if you aren't feeling this presently. If your job doesn't do anything and just is neutral on your energy, maybe it's time to ask yourself what other areas of your life make you happy or not happy?
So... back to my story... with the pandemic.. there I was... laid off... upset...sad...depressed...lonely.... I started making candles to keep my mind off things. I really enjoyed making them to stay busy. I go the whole nine yards to research everything I need to know about candles, and making them environmentally friendly for my customers. My candles take off, and again I'm filled with happiness and a little bit of purpose because I made the candle company myself- from scratch, and the candle company was developed based off my own values, ideas, and morals.
This cascaded me into deeper thinking about my own identity. I asked myself so many questions and did so much research on developing my own candle company, why am I not doing the same type of questioning on who it is I wanted to be, and what makes me happy?
So I got quiet, I got still, and instead of feeling sad, helpless, depressed, emotional, and worthless, I started questioning why do I feel this way? It came down to my identity being solely based on these two principles 1)my job, and 2)my performance at my job.
But that's not who I am, I am not my job. I am a person who is empathetic, energetic, kind, driven, independent, and self reliant. I am a person who loves helping others, and in that moment, I realized why I have been feeling resentful, lost, alone, isolated, and not in alignment with my "Happy" inwardly.
I helped others so much in my life- that I wasn't helping myself. Outwardly- I wanted to be known as the best employee, a reliable friend, a great daughter/sister, loyal coworker, and a selfless partner. I got so lost in being these personas in everyone else's narrative, that I wasn't being the best for myself. I felt nothing but sadness, hopelessness, isolation, and deep spiritual warfare inwardly.
So I started reading a lot of self help books, listening to podcasts, researching famous psychologists, and learned how to implement habits and behaviors that bring success and abundance to your life. Through all my research I found my happy. I found my higher self. I found alignment. I found peace. I found balance. I am by no means perfect, and from time to time fall out of alignment with my happiest highest self. But we all do because we are human and we all have flaws.
I feel encouraged and inspired to share these concepts that have changed my life, changed my lens, and made me into a happy, balanced, peaceful, and much more abundant person. So here are my strategies for finding your "Happy"
Strategies for Finding Your "Happy"
Your Happy is Not Another Person's Happy- so stop letting their opinions make negative bank statements on your happiness
Your happiness can be found through deep inward searching and connection to your higher self through things like journaling, meditating, nature walks, and becoming aware of your energy and what drains you vs fills your cup. The more time you spend learning about what makes you happy vs what drains you- the more you will be able to monitor and manage your energy, aka happiness. For myself and many others- it is scary initially spending time in solitude. It's easy to get lost in the thoughts of if I spend time alone I'm lazy, I have no friends, and even thinking you are weird. But this is where you can intentionally get to know yourself for your strengths, and even accept yourself for your weaknesses. You can have a deep awakening to your values, thoughts, morals, and views on things without other peoples opinions and viewpoints getting in your way.
The world is abundantly blessed with so many people with different talents, views, behaviors, hobbies, body shapes, and cultures. So.. it's inevitable that people will not always see eye to eye. We collectively grow through our experiences and trauma, so someone may not see through the same lens as you because they didn't go through what you did... so it's important that the decisions you make day after day do take your happiness into consideration, while avoiding self destruction of yourself when people have differing opinions. Nine times out of ten that person doesn't see the world through the same lens as you because they didn't have the same experience and upbringing as you. You should always respect people for their opinions, but don't let it tear you down, especially if they are approaching your views in a very disrespectful way. Not everyone is open to growing and receiving different perspectives- so don't EVER let that destroy your happiness.
2. Pour into bettering yourself spiritually, mentally, physically, and nutritionally. Stay away from things that downgrade you
If you are not spending time working on your spiritual, mental, physical, and nutritional health you are definitely going to feel out of alignment with your happiest self. It is hard to prioritize these faucets because of distractions in everyday life. Some of my biggest distractions in my early 20s to late 20s were comparing myself to others on social media, drinking to avoid processing my own emotions/trauma, losing myself in low value friendships where I was giving and they were taking, and lastly like I said earlier- letting my job dictate my worth.
Spiritual health defined and how to improve it:
Spiritual health is finding your purpose and happiness in life through inward thinking. If you are not prioritizing spending time alone, reflecting on who you are and what makes you happy, getting quiet with your thoughts, journaling, and improving the relationship with yourself-you are going to suffer from spiritual warfare, and struggle to find peace. This is the hardest faucet in my life because I struggle to slow down with the way we have been programmed to "work, work, work" in America's Society. However, prioritizing deep inward thinking of who you are and what makes you feel in alignment with feeling peaceful, happy, and abundant, is how you will find true happiness. I encourage you to monitor if your spiritual tank is running on fumes, and needs some attention. Some tactics that worked for me and may work for you include a small 5 minute walk with zero distractions other than being with yourself and your own thoughts, meditation, deep inward thinking on your purpose, and nature walks.
Mental Health defined and how to improve it:
Mental health is your inward overall wellbeing. It's easy to feel when your mental health tank is running on fumes. You get feelings of burn out, fear, anxiety, negative thinking about yourself, and just overall feeling "off." It's important to prioritize time in your day to improve your mental health. Some tactics that have worked for me and may work for you as well include positive affirmations, gratitude journaling, a bubble bath with my favorite candle, my favorite dinner with myself with zero distractions, my favorite podcast, watching my favorite childhood movie, and getting dressed up nice if I've been dressing down for a long time.
Physical Health defined and how to improve it:
Physical health is defined as your wellbeing in regards to your activity level, fitness level, and overall general health with your outward body. Feelings that your physical health tank is running on fumes would be that you are tired all the time, inactive, winded easily, feeling constant aches and pains, and feeling weak with activities of daily life. Some ways to improve your physical health are to get out and walk 10-15 minutes a day. Find a friend to go to the gym with or go on a walk with, begin strength training 3-4x a week to prolong age related diseases, train for a 5k, set a fitness goal to achieve in a time frame, and buy yourself new gym wear to get motivated to workout. Start small with the improvements and gradually build that upward spiral.
Nutritional Health defined and how to improve it:
You are what you eat was something I learned as a kid, but I never knew the validity in this until I became a professional body builder. Eating nutrient dense food vs empty calorie food can make a worlds of a difference for your overall wellbeing and your ability to have the energy to function for any role you play on life. This ranges from professional athletes to busy working moms. Nutritional health should be a huge priority in anyone's life. Some ways to improve your nutritional health are to follow the 80/20 rule. Eighty percent of what you eat should be whole foods based, the other 10-20% can be processed in moderation. This helps you feel balanced when having a night out with friends, or getting to enjoy your sweet treat every once in a while for celebration with friends, or family. You should also consider talking with a health and wellness coach for nutrition guidance, or a registered dietician if you need deep and thorough education on nutrition and a thorough nutritional plan.
Now that we have these four faucets that pour into your overall wellbeing and happiness defined, it is important to recognize that even when only one of these are running on fumes-the others can suffer too. For eg- If you aren't taking care of your nutritional health you will feel tired and unable to prioritize an exercise program. This will impact your physical health, which in turn can take negative deposits away from your mental health as well- since exercise has clinically proven to positively impact someone's mental health,. This goes to show poor nutritional choices can impact your spiritual, mental, physical, and nutritional health all together.
So monitoring these four areas of your life, and being aware when they feel out of alignment with your ideal self is key to finding your happy, and keeping that "Happy" for the long term.
3. Accountability
The phrase it takes a village couldn't be more truthful to finding your "happy." Truly growing into your highest self, and living out your purpose on earth takes a village. You want to find people who encourage you to grow, people who push you to see past your limiting beliefs, and people who mentor you and guide you in areas you consider to be your weaknesses. I have made the most progress in my own life capitalizing on my strengths, but finding mentorships with my weaknesses.
Here I sit today writing this blog post because my life coach has encouraged me to do so. It's my purpose to inspire others through health and wellness, but I have let my limiting beliefs stop me... until today.
Another example of how I have became my ideal self was hiring a coach when deciding to pursue bodybuilding. Without his mentorship and accountability I probably wouldn't be able to sit here and type that I am a professional body builder today.... wow...
It's clinically proven that you stay more consistent with your goals when you are checking in and being held accountable by someone. Some of the most successful people in the world have been mentored, and have had accountability from other coaches. Don't let your ego take over, and inhibit you from growing into your happiest self because you are too afraid to ask for help in the areas you need it most. We all have weaknesses... you are not alone
Wrapping things up.... I wanted to thank you all for tuning into my first blog post on finding your happy. I hope after this reading you will have some tools and strategies to start implementing into your everyday life to guide you and direct you on the path to finding your happiest, enlightened, and most peaceful self. It may be triggering at times to hear things out of your comfort zone, but learning to settle into it, and take that discomfort as signs of growth is worth it.. oh so worth it...Thank you from the bottom of my heart for tuning in. I will see you next week!
