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Goal Setting
As a fitness enthusiast and professional in the fitness world for close to 10 years now- I hear a lot of people having similar goals and intentions, “I want to lose 50 lbs, I want to feel good in my bathing suit, I want to get back to a weight where I feel confident when I look in the mirror.” Most of the time these thoughts and intentions to be better, do better, and find more consistency with diet and exercise come from a place of desire
Desire
An intention and want that is placed on your heart.
We all have desires whether it’s fitness related, a trip we have been dying to take, a dream car, the white picket fence dream house you have aspired to grow old in with your spouse, or that picture perfect job you’ve dreamed of having since you were a kid. The thing about desires- is that they should only be pursued when they align with your goal self.
What I have noticed most with my own desires- is that they take up a significant amount of space and time in my thoughts each day. These desires will either align or not align with my long term goals.
Sometimes desires come into our minds just because we are falling victim to the lens of comparison. We desire something just because others we look up to have it.
We either recognize and immediately dismiss these desires because they don't add value or purpose to our lives, or we choose to pursue them because they actually fill our cup. There are times that these desires don’t fill our cup or bring us happiness, but we choose to pursue them anyway-due to the external pressure from society to fit the “mold.”
I personally have found more peace and happiness in my own life when I inventory whether these desires are improving and adding value to my life and who I’m working on becoming, or if they subtract and take away from the future version of myself and don’t add value to my life.
I encourage you to recognize what desires bring you into alignment with your happiest and healthiest self, and fill your OWN cup.
Desiring something for external validation and to be accepted by others may feel good in the moment, but will not bring you long term happiness. That is why it is important to make time to monitor what goals and aspirations you truly desire for yourself, what habits and routines bring you happiness, and what habits, behaviors, and desires align or don’t align with where you want to go.
My favorite example of how you can align your desires with goals would be individuals pursuing a health and wellness journey.
Many individuals have long term goals and desires to tone up, build muscle, and lose fat. If you have a desire to lose fat and reach a fat loss goal- you have to practice habits on a daily basis that align with a fat loss goal. I have seen time in time again someone having the intention or desire to lose fat, but failing to pursue the habits needed to reach that outcome because the desire and habits it takes to achieve a fat loss goal quickly fade.
We fall back into the same negative habits we were practicing before due to convenience, comfort, and simplicity. Once you fall back into your old negative, easy, and convenient habits you no longer are going to be aligned with a fat loss goal. Sticking to the same old habits will not help you lose fat- no matter how much the desire to lose fat is there in your heart.
To reach any goal you set for yourself- you have to start examining WHAT it is you truly desire, and align your daily action and habits to that desire!
However- reaching goals is more than just desiring something. You also have to practice characteristics like self discipline and determination to stay on track with the goals you have set out to achieve. So let’s get into self discipline…..
Self-Discipline
If you have a goal in mind that you want to achieve- this means you have to start practicing habits and behaviors on a daily basis that align with your goal..
For example- lets say someone has a fat loss goal. When trying to develop fat loss habits an individual will most likely have the desire to practice the habits that align with fat loss right out the gate, but that usually fades out pretty quickly because our brains are creatures of habit. The brain likes to repeat what it knows and has learned over the years.
Which is why practicing habits through the lens of self-discipline is crucial. Not all desires that you think about on a daily basis will align with your goals. You have to be self-disciplined enough to resist temptation and caving into habits, desires, and actions that do not align with your goals.
Self-Discipline is defined as the constant follow through and obeyance of specific values, morals, actions, behaviors, and habits you have set out to achieve for a specific desired outcome or goal.
With self-discipline it is very normal that you may have to practice habits, behaviors, and actions you don’t like in order to achieve a specific outcome. Even when the going gets tough- you keep going by practicing self discipline with the challenging daily habits it takes to reach your goals.
When you have desires there will be a-lot of instances where a desire is not in alignment with your goals. It is important to consciously inventory all the desires that pop into your thoughts on a daily basis, and make sure you are practicing self-discipline with these desires so they dont turn into daily practices that create negative bank statements on your identity through your daily habits, behaviors, and actions.
When you have the desire to eat fried foods you need to practice self-discipline and say no most of the time- especially when you pursuing a fat loss goal. Fast foods on a consistent basis do not align with a fat loss goal. So even if you love and desire fast food quite frequently- you have to have the discipline to say no to it most of the time and choose healthier whole food based meals. This will transform the habit of eating fast food to a more positive habit of eating Whole Foods. Saying no most of the time to fast foods- keeps you aligned with your goals, and is an act of love for yourself through consistent self-discipline.
You may have the desire to eat your favorite chocolate bar and donut every morning for breakfast, but instead you practice self-discipline by staying dedicated to your fat loss goal. Instead of a donut/chocolate-you begin choosing a higher protein, more whole food based breakfast each day. A processed breakfast vs whole food based breakfast transforms from a negative to positive deposit habit towards your fat loss goals. You will still treat your self to a donut or chocolate bar to reward your efforts- but this is done very infrequently instead of on a frequent basis. Even though you love chocolate- you have the self-discipline to say no in the moment so that you stay aligned with your long term goals of fat loss.
You may desire to sit and watch TV every night while scrolling on your phone, but instead you practice self-discipline and decide that it’s important to take a 20 minute walk outside before sitting down and rewarding yourself with a little bit of TV to relax at night before bed. Your discipline to your goal of fat loss outweighs being comfortable and instantly gratified with TV even if the extra exercise is frictional and inconvienent in the moment.
Remember not all the desires that pop into your thoughts each day align with your goal self. This is why it’s so important to practice awareness around all of your desires so that they don’t block you from your long term goals.
If you find yourself feeling good in the moment but immediately feeling guilty after acting upon a desire- this is a sign the desire you chose to act upon was a negative deposit on your goals.
If you find yourself feeling friction and annoyance to do a habit but later on you feel energized, happy, and a sense of delayed gratification-this is a good sign that the desire you pursued made a positive deposit on your goal self.
Figuring out what is important to you and what goals you are trying to achieve will be a life long process that takes a lot of self-love, self-reflection, and self-discipline.
You have to practice self-discipline even if some of the habits that align with your goals are habits you don’t love practicing.
Healthy and happy alignment with your goal self can sometimes require in the moment choices and actions that you don’t love. It’s a healthy balance of loving some of the things you do, while having to be disciplined with the things you don’t love to achieve your long term goals.
For example- When you are pregnant- you are given an external motivator or reason to change your daily habits- such as giving up caffeine, lunch meats, and raw fish for the baby even if you love these daily nutritional practices.
As humans we struggle so much changing habits to align with goals such as someone with a fat loss because the changing of habits often times needs to be done internally and doesn’t always rely on us having an external motivator. Being pregnant and making changes with your habits for the baby comes easier for some because something outside of you is motivating you to make change (the baby).
Sometimes a fat loss goal will turn into an external source of motivation when the doctor threats your long term health and the possibility of chronic disease. Which creates more discipline and drive due to external motivation (the doctors medical advice).
When the changes that need to be made with your habits and behaviors are coming from an internal place without external motivators-this is where discipline is key to stay consistent with reaching your long term goals. Motivation and consistency will come through the act of self-discipline, and by staying determined to the process of a better you!
Determination
So…. you figured out what your long term goals are, you start monitoring if your desires are positive or negative, you implement the practice of being disciplined with your positive deposit actions, habits, and behaviors. Now what?
You stay determined with your commitments and desires to becoming your goal self.
Determination and discipline go hand and hand. Excuses, narratives, and roadblocks will happen in life. When these come up in your journey to your best self- you need to not only be disciplined- but stay determined
I’ve heard a lot of people say narratives like “I just don’t have the discipline” to do that. If you truly have a desire for a certain goal it is going to take consistent action, commitments, behaviors, and determination to reach your goal self. Showing up and honoring the version of yourself you are trying to become is the biggest act of self love.
When trying to reach a goal- no one will ever be perfect. Humans are imperfect beings. Goal setting is very uncomfortable because a lot of negative habits and behaviors have to be transformed into more positive deposits in order to become aligned and consistently stay aligned with your goals and the future version of yourself.
You only reach your goals when you practice consistency with your daily habits. When you accept you won’t be perfect, you can really surrender perfectionism and fall in love with the process of showing up as the best version of yourself each day.
It is going to take a lot of falling off the horse and getting back on and not giving up to achieve your goals. Which is the true definition of determination to me. Staying focused even when life’s obstacles get in the way.
With goal setting- it’s important to remember that shifting negative habits to positive ones can only be done though consistent repetition and action. If you are not able to be self-disciplined enough to follow through on your daily habits- you may need to start smaller than you already are.
It’s important to take baby steps so that you build up consistency, confidence, and momentum on your journey to a better you.
Starting small and then progressing once you have built self-discipline and consistency with your daily habits will help you stay determined and allow you to fall in love with the process. If you surrender into delayed gratification and allow habits to stick long term and consistently- you begin understanding that you will eventually get there over time- even if it takes longer than you would like.
The biggest mistake I’ve made with goal setting is setting commitments, habits, and behaviors that seem daunting and frictional to complete on a daily basis right out the gate- which made me inconsistent for years with my daily habits and behaviors. I was so hot and cold all the time. Being hot and cold with my commitments habits and behaviors on a daily basis did not cultivate self-discipline, determination, or any consistency to follow through on the habits needed to reach my goals.
Fast forward to today. Instead of trying to make drastic changes to my current habits I practice when it comes to career, life, or fitness goals- I start small with my commitments and habits.
After building confidence in small manageable habits, I slowly and progressively start scaling and progressing the habits over time to align more strongly with my goals. This has helped me stay determined to the process of reaching my goal self- rather than feeling overwhelmed, burnout, and feeling like I’m on a hamster wheel of consistency followed by inconsistency.
Be determined to the process of aligning with your goal self- even if that means starting small to cultivate confidence.
So in order to be successful with goal setting remember these three things:
Inventory your daily desires. Make sure they align with your goals. Sometimes desires block and steer you away from your goal self.
Learn to be disciplined with your daily habits, desires, actions, and behaviors. This is truly what it takes to reach your goals.
Always dedicate your time and energy into your goal self even if that means you have to start small to cultivate momentum, confidence, discipline, and energy. Be prepared to fall in love with the process of finding and pursuing the best and most ideal version of yourself. There is no end- it’s always a work in progress and about the journey.
Hope you enjoyed todays blog. As always I have so much love and happy habits to share with all those who tune into my blogs! Get out there and crush those habits this week!
Sincerely,
Coach Jay
Xoxo
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