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I wish I had a car like that I wish I had patience like my best friend I wish my arms were as toned as hers I hear these thoughts and desires in my own head from time to time. These thoughts can be materialistic, these thoughts can be internal, or these thoughts could be for external validation. That is what they are though.... thoughts. Some of these thoughts/desires are connected to a STRONG desire, while others come in for a split second and leave because truthfully- they aren't important. When you have a STRONG desire for something- it is very possible to create inward change and transformation that will reflect into your external world. When this happens you start shifting your daily habits, commitments, decisions, thought patterns, and mindsets to align with your desire. However- many people never get past the desire part. They can't make the connection that these desires are important, strong, and needed for improvement on your current self and to align with your ideal self and long term health. It's easy to make excuses, narratives, or quit before beginning. For many- this could be due to lack of confidence, failure to manage time/priorities, setting too high of expectations, or allowing yourself to stay victim to your surroundings, negative mindsets and belief systems.
In my 20s I WASTED so much of my time wanting and desiring everything, but refusing to take action, establish commitments, and make decisions that aligned and were positive deposits into the ideal version of myself.
Your daily choices, habits, behaviors, decisions, and commitments that you make can either align with the ideal version of yourself, or continue to push you away from that ideal version of yourself.
I find it so valuable to talk about the difference between desires vs what you actually NEED to become the best version of yourself. I wasted so many years in my 20s making 10,000 choices everyday because I wished for so many things, but never took the time to decide if these wishes, wants, and desires were in alignment with the highest, happiest, and most ideal version of myself.
On top of the 10,000 desires I had, so many of my wishes and desires were conflicting to my ideal self, goals, and overall well-being:
I wanted to be social and have a large friend group AND go to the gym 5x a week and reach my ideal goal physique.
I wanted to work on my professional life and chase my dreams of being a full time business owner AND work full time as an athletic trainer.
I wanted to eat healthy to reach my goal physique AND go out every weekend to eat and drink with friends and socialize.
I wanted to give everyone the shirt off my back everyday all day AND have the time and energy to invest into improving myself
In my twenties I desired to be social AND super fit. While some people can manage this to a certain degree- when you start dedicating time and energy into your physical health it's hard to socialize all day every day as well. Everyone needs human interaction, and to be amongst the company of others. Socializing is great for your overall wellbeing but if you choose eating out and socializing all the time over movement and exercise this could actually be a negative deposit on your overall health. Socialization can incorporate movement, exercise, and healthy activities, so they can be done at the same time, but for most people-socialization occurs around a dinner table, with drinks, and outside of the gym/nature. So in order to be social and fit- your habits, choices and behaviors around this may need to shift. Maybe socialization starts to look like Sunday morning walks with your girlfriends, or hiking days with your friends. It's important to note that if you prioritize other activities and obligations over exercise- you aren't in alignment with being a healthier and happier person regarding your overall wellbeing. If you neglect your physical health- this can cause long term problems down the road. So start asking yourself- are some of your current desires conflicting? If they are what one is more important to you, and your long term health?
In my twenties I desired to work full time as an athletic trainer and become a full time business owner. I burnt myself out trying to pursue both because I didn't have the mental, physical, or emotional capacity to work 40 hours a week, and be 100% invested in my own business. I chose to chase my dream of having my own business, and still work some hours as an athletic trainer so that I can use my degree which fills my cup, but also have to time and energy to build my dream business. You only have so much energy to invest into yourself, your family, your career, and your passions. You have to choose how to utilize this energy. Only YOU have the power to know what balance is needed with your personal life, professional life, daily diet/nutrition, fitness/movement, and passions. If one of these areas of your life feels neglected or is overly poured into- you may need to start changing some of your priorities to achieve more happiness, prosperity, and balance in your life.
In my twenties I desired to eat healthy to reach my goal physique, and go out every weekend so I could drink with friends. Again- conflicting desires and habits. If you are trying to reach a goal physique or achieve weight loss/fat loss goals- you are going to have to make a change to the daily eating habits and behaviors surrounding nutrition. I used to go out to eat and not make the best nutritional choices 2-3x a week after eating healthy the rest of the week- all to blame it on "bad genetics." It wasn't until I did some inventory and recognized I can't reach a goal physique if 3 out of 7 days I'm not even being MINDFUL of anything that I am eating. You have to make sure that you do some personal inventory on your daily habits and make sure that they align with your wishes and desires. You are not going to get there if your daily habits, decisions, and actions don't match up with your wants/desires. A lot of times you are going to find yourself desiring something, but refusing to change the habits to align with your desire. In this case you either accept you will not achieve your desire, or make the decision that you are going to make the change. For most- if it's actually important to you- you WILL eventually make that change to allow your habits to be in alignment with your desires. If you feel like they already are in alignment and still not seeing change- maybe it's time to do some personal inventory or talk to a coach or person who specializes in the area you are trying to develop in.
In my twenties I also desired to help anyone and everyone who needed it. I vividly remember reconnecting over a social media platform with someone I met at one of my old college jobs. She mentioned to me that she became homeless and needed help. As a person who feels every desire and intention to help others I gave her money because that is what she asked for. It turned into a weekly or every other day encounter for her to continue asking for money. She would claim that the money was needed to get to and from work. I helped her for quite a while until it got to the point she was asking so frequently that this started to impact my overall wellbeing, financial health, and mental health. I wanted to help her because that is the type of person that am I so I offered to buy her a bike to help her get to and from work. She refused just asking for money. I finally just openly and kindly asked her why she refused something that would help her get to work, and instead requested money. She got very reactive and said I was demoralizing her character, and told me I wasn't a child of god and that I should be ashamed of myself. It was at that moment where I recognized not everyone is going to value or deserve your help. At some points in your life you are going to need to help yourself and be selfish with your energy before helping others. Some humans don't deposit into your overall wellbeing and when you are around them they will drain you. Other humans come into your life to raise you up, lift you up, and make you feel brighter. These are angels walking on earth, and need to be constantly reminded that you are grateful and appreciative of them. There are very few people like them, and they are meant to come into your life, give you energy, help you see the world from a different perspective, and help you grow as a human. Both of these people are needed throughout your journey in life. Some to teach you lessons and to redirect your path when you are unaware that redirection is needed. Some to make you realize you are worthy of all that you desire, and others to make you realize you need to set boundaries and know your worth within YOURSELF. But as a human- you genuinely can't give to people without giving back into yourself. So make sure you take some time recharging your energy and being around people who help you recharge. This example I shared above was me setting a firm boundary of helping someone in the capacity that I could. My old friend reacting to me offering help different that what she thought she needed was a sign she wasn't grateful for what I offered her and the best that I could give her. She didn't deserve my energy, and a lot of people will come into your life in the same kind of way. It's up to you to decide who deserves you energy, and who deserves your absence.
Wrapping it up on Desires.....
I encourage you to pick alignment with your habits and desires. You want to make sure your daily habits don't conflict and steer you in the wrong direction of your ideal self. We all love the habit of watching TV or scrolling on our phones, but this conflicts with movement, exercise, and your overall health if none of your day is filled with exercise, healthy movement, and mindful nutritional choices. If you desire to be healthier for the long term (which most of us do) it's important you start deciding what actions, habits, and behaviors you need to start implementing.
Your long term health and overall wellbeing is a byproduct of your daily habits, actions, behaviors, and what you pour your energy into.So take the time to make sure your desires don't conflict, and align with your long term health, and ideal self.
You are one habit away from reaching your desires. Stop wishing and start going.
Happy Habits,
Julie
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